tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post6641434817306612422..comments2023-10-31T05:03:38.910-07:00Comments on Letters from a broad...: Career women vs. SAHMs round II: There Can Be Only One True Choice!C. L. Hansonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-50440574284778488632010-11-20T09:54:20.613-08:002010-11-20T09:54:20.613-08:00Hey Katy!!!
Yeah, it's difficult to avoid. I...Hey Katy!!!<br /><br />Yeah, it's difficult to avoid. I feel like just being aware of this dynamic helps you to avoid falling into it. :DC. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-84873024456827173182010-11-17T20:59:30.012-08:002010-11-17T20:59:30.012-08:00The theme of my reading today has been that we wom...The theme of my reading today has been that we women tend to judge each other a lot and tend to feel judged by each other a lot. Not sure how we're supposed to cut that out, but it would be better for everyone if we could be happy for each other instead of pitying or feeling smug. I'm just as guilty as the next lovely lady, I'm sure. I wonder how we can stop!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13526700356506694795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-27659759046509601982010-11-12T06:02:05.478-08:002010-11-12T06:02:05.478-08:00Hey Mathmom!!!
Thanks -- that is fascinating read...Hey Mathmom!!!<br /><br />Thanks -- that is fascinating reading! It's definitely along the same lines as what I'm saying here.<br /><br />It's funny how other parenting choices seem to lead to this same sort of conflicts as you get with the question of whether/when to work after having a baby. It must be human nature or something to decide that your own way (if it worked) is <i>the only right way</i> (and everyone who does things differently must be wrong, bad, stupid, lazy, etc.). ;)<br /><br />Honestly, I think the situation for modern parents is <i>dramatically</i> different than any other human society. The fact that people can choose to have a small number of children and essentially <i>expect</i> to see them all grow up to adulthood means that parents have much more time and energy to invest in each individual child. People sit around obsessing over whether you should (or absolutely should not!) let your baby sleep in your bed with you <i>because they can</i>. Today we have the luxury of having tons of options.<br /><br />It's possible that kids today are getting a degree of parental attention that is actually pathological. However, it's also possible that the extra attention is a positive thing, and it's even more likely that it has a host of consequences, some positive, some negative, some neutral, etc. Longitudinal studies can provide fascinating perspective on the effects of different parenting styles. But I have no patience for screeds that are based on nothing more than "My acquaintances [or some ladies I saw at the playground] are doing some <i>horrible</i> thing that I think is <i>wrong</i> and I am just horrified by how wrong they are!" Again, I think it's human nature to do that, but I find it about as useful as news about celebrity marriages (eg. not at all).C. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-14515919815275146162010-11-11T17:37:53.969-08:002010-11-11T17:37:53.969-08:00Hi Chanson! You might be interested in the debate...Hi Chanson! You might be interested in the debate about Erica Jong's piece in the New York Times. I got there from the parenting blog:<br />http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/<br /><br />(if that doesn't get you to the three articles in question (Jong's article, a response, and then Jong's response today) then I'll try to get you more data)<br /><br />The first comment on today's post by Jong seems to be at least some of what you are saying:<br /><br />"When are we going to understand that the incessant mommy wars are really what's oppressing us? I think we should collectively decide to rebel against the guilt constantly being manufactured for us. If your kids are happy and healthy, then whatever you're doing is right, and bully for you. Mind your own business and tend to your own family, and stop dumping on the mom next to you!"<br /><br />Thought you'd be interested.mathmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07887205622583099966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-71754217539309895882010-11-08T23:34:07.163-08:002010-11-08T23:34:07.163-08:00Hey CafePhilos!!!
Exactly!!!Hey CafePhilos!!!<br /><br />Exactly!!!C. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-5696574678116057932010-11-03T07:13:11.166-07:002010-11-03T07:13:11.166-07:00I've always thought of feminism as, at its cor...I've always thought of feminism as, at its core, being about the freedom to choose your path in this world, rather than being artificially constrained to one path or another. It's amazing, though, how the busybodies of each generation fail to get the message that their criticisms of other's paths are not welcome. And it's <i>especially</i> amazing when those busybodies pretend to be feminists!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-89530732772854673642010-11-02T10:55:19.347-07:002010-11-02T10:55:19.347-07:00I agree that's part of it, but I guess what I ...I agree that's part of it, but I guess what I was getting at was the idea that there is only <i>one</i> setup that can be termed a "family," and people feel forced to conform to that standard - see: shotgun weddings, anti-gay marriage organizations, etc. That's what I think is the problem - that people won't do something that works if it doesn't fit the mold, or they do something that doesn't really work to fit in.<br /><br />A young mother living with her mother, and not with the father of her child b/c they don't want a relationship, is seen as inferior to two young parents scraping out their existence on their own, with no loving relationship, just a child conceived unexpectedly.<br /><br />The idea of depending on your parents past age 20 or so is seen as childish, because of our society's glorification of independence, individualism, and self-sufficiency. So grandma, mom, and baby aren't a "family;" it's just an irresponsible/lazy mother who can't take care of herself and her child and now her <i>poor mother</i> is "stuck" with two "leeches." That mindset really bothers me, that even if everybody is happy with a situation society will say it's wrong because it doesn't fit into their definition of "family."Carla Schmidt Hollowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947846629735463824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-188793980562990612010-11-01T23:13:46.710-07:002010-11-01T23:13:46.710-07:00Hey Suz!!!
I realize that prostitution is an emot...Hey Suz!!!<br /><br />I realize that prostitution is an emotionally-charged issue, but jailing journalists for writing about it? That seems a bit much...<br /><br />Hey Carla!!!<br /><br />That's a good point -- the nuclear family is probably a big part of it.<br /><br />But then that naturally leads to the question: What cultural forces led to the rise of the nuclear family?<br /><br />I can think of a couple of guesses off the top of my head:<br /><br />1. Mobility. In general, I think it's a good thing that people aren't stuck living in the same tiny village where all of their ancestors lived as far back as anyone can remember. However, when it's easier (economically, technologically) to move, it becomes harder to maintain strong extended family ties.<br /><br />2. Wealth. Again a double-edged sword. It's great when the parents can expect to command enough resources to feed and clothe their kids without the aid of the extended family. OTOH, it's work to get along with the extended family, so if you don't have to do it, many people won't, and next thing you know, it's a cultural trend...C. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-65764440751289344722010-11-01T15:28:35.434-07:002010-11-01T15:28:35.434-07:00I think it's possible that a great deal of our...I think it's possible that a great deal of our problems in this area is that was have set up this construct of the nuclear family: mom, dad, and kids; and basically cut out the idea of a community of loved ones being involved in the raising of children. Why does this have to be either/or? Why either mom or dad (or "strangers" - nannies, daycare, etc)? Why not aunts, uncles, grandparents (who might be retired and have a lot of time on their hands!), and close friends? As a childless (and currently unemployed) aunt, I can't tell you how much I'd love to see my niecephews on a regular basis. I think the restriction of the nuclear family is one factor at the root of this problem.Carla Schmidt Hollowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947846629735463824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-3469541688399507872010-11-01T12:07:00.759-07:002010-11-01T12:07:00.759-07:00I think you can count Europe out of your feminist ...I think you can count Europe out of your feminist equation. Or at least channel 5! Them bastards. Sorry, but I'm really pissed off at this blogger, Catherine Jones http://thoughtnotechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-fuck-is-this-shit.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-57867039484718024392010-11-01T12:06:10.865-07:002010-11-01T12:06:10.865-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com