tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post9151920775010334313..comments2023-10-31T05:03:38.910-07:00Comments on Letters from a broad...: It's not technically a run-on sentence, but...C. L. Hansonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-5295552908719439982008-02-08T04:45:00.000-08:002008-02-08T04:45:00.000-08:00Hey Sinister Porpoise!!!I think long sentences are...Hey Sinister Porpoise!!!<BR/><BR/>I think long sentences aren't necessarily bad, but the original sentence I wrote was wordy to the point of being awkward...<BR/><BR/>Hey John Evo!!!<BR/><BR/>Good point!!! :DC. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-38828621672580205992008-02-07T14:33:00.000-08:002008-02-07T14:33:00.000-08:00The Exterminator exudes his wisdom: No Evo and alo...The Exterminator exudes his wisdom: <I>No Evo and alon, the sentence wasn't fine.</I><BR/><BR/>Since all I said was, "it sounded fine to me" (rather than "the sentence is fine") - you would be wrong! That is, unless you also know what sounds fine to me.John Evohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10868904051881865159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-60802604024920275102008-02-06T06:33:00.000-08:002008-02-06T06:33:00.000-08:00I think it is a run-on sentence, but I tend to mis...I think it is a run-on sentence, but I tend to misues the comma and do the same thing.<BR/><BR/>Long sentences are not a bad thing unless you are doing journalistic writing.The Sinister Porpoisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06598370622023551565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-11989145823926817192008-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:002008-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:00Thanks everyone!!!Alon -- I was just trying to be ...Thanks everyone!!!<BR/><BR/>Alon -- I was just trying to be funny, but if it's not funny, I'll nix it.<BR/><BR/>Exterminator -- lol, of course I thought of the "flowery avenues of the Bois de Bologne" as I was standing on the train platform trying to compose this in my head. I originally had more adjectives and sub-clauses, but I axed a lot of it. I realize "fabulous" is mostly meaningless, but it means something <I>to me</I> (see <A HREF="http://lfab-uvm.blogspot.com/2006/07/im-not-fabulous.html" REL="nofollow">I'm not fabulous</A>), and seems to fit the story. However, if you think it comes off as just filler, I can see getting rid of it. I'll think about your recommendations -- thanks!!! (p.s. I realize it's not fine the way it is, that's why I posted it in hopes of getting free editing suggestions... ;^) )<BR/><BR/>John R. -- It's a marketing blurb.C. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-51831956637843010822008-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:002008-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:00What's the context? How about the audience and pu...What's the context? How about the audience and purpose? Does this fit stylistically with the rest of the writing?<BR/><BR/>Is it just a short marketing blurb?JohnRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01822899155130408891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-86530080092752213572008-02-05T17:06:00.000-08:002008-02-05T17:06:00.000-08:00No Evo and alon, the sentence wasn't fine. I see I...No <B>Evo</B> and <B>alon</B>, the sentence <I>wasn't</I> fine. <BR/><BR/>I see I'm going to have to give a grammar lesson here. What's the subject of the sentence as originally written? <BR/><BR/>You may think it's "students," but it isn't. It's "ambitions and desires."<BR/><BR/>So the original sentence says that during the semester spent abroad by ambitions and desires, they get mixed up ... <BR/><BR/>I don't think that's what C.L meant to say. If it <I>is</I> what she meant to say, she oughtta reconsider. <BR/><BR/>And, just FYI: "fabulous" is an empty, filler word. Its use actually creates the impression that the adventure probably <I>isn't</I> so fabulous. A skeptical reader sees a piece of puffery like that and thinks, "Ummmmm, listen honey, I'll decide if the adventure is fabulous or not, OK?"The Exterminatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14452054124550486048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-3754068705372081992008-02-05T16:45:00.000-08:002008-02-05T16:45:00.000-08:00Nix "The stans of" and you're fine. In most defini...Nix "The stans of" and you're fine. In most definitions of Central Asia I've seen, all its countries are stans.Alon Levyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12195377309045184452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-2838853571681782252008-02-05T16:41:00.000-08:002008-02-05T16:41:00.000-08:00Sounded fine to me, but Ex is the editor.Sounded fine to me, but Ex is the editor.John Evohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10868904051881865159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-90869906516939518262008-02-05T16:06:00.000-08:002008-02-05T16:06:00.000-08:00May I suggest:One fine morning in the month of May...May I suggest:<BR/><I>One fine morning in the month of May an elegant young horsewoman might have been seen riding a handsome sorrel mare along the flowery avenues of the Bois de Bologne.</I><BR/><BR/>Seriously?<BR/><I>While abroad in Asia studying the folk music of a little country tucked among the -stans, the students become embroiled in political intrigues and exotic adventures.</I>The Exterminatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14452054124550486048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-72752575836553475742008-02-05T13:31:00.000-08:002008-02-05T13:31:00.000-08:00argh! My DW has proclaimed me king of the run on ...argh! <BR/><BR/>My DW has proclaimed me king of the run on sentence so I can't help you. <BR/><BR/>Waynebeatdadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05497471619358149692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19053670.post-57416020739260608512008-02-05T13:23:00.000-08:002008-02-05T13:23:00.000-08:00If anything, you should make it longer.If anything, you should make it longer.King Aardvarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02785457928646226831noreply@blogger.com