Simpsons Proverbs

Ever since I read this piece on "Simpsons quotes for everyday use" in the Onion A.V. club, I've been thinking about my favorite Simpsons quotes. Interestingly, even though the article listed a bunch of great ones, they didn't get any of my top four.

It just goes to show how many wise words the Simpsons have produced!!

Now I don't have a T.V. anymore, but I've heard a rumor that The Simpsons jumped the shark years ago yet continues to spawn season after season of celebrity cameo vehicles. As upsetting as that may be, it doesn't tarnish the sparkle of these jewels:

#4. Bart donates blood to Mr. Burns and gets a huge stone Olmec head in return. The family tries to figure out what they've learned from the experience:

"Perhaps there is no moral."
"Exactly, it's just a bunch of stuff that happened."

I love this one. I think all stories should be this way. Stories that teach you valuable lessons are lame.

#3. Bart decides to give up on learning to play the guitar when he discovers he's not good at it right away, and receives some fatherly advice:

"Son, if something's hard, it's not worth doing. Now let's go inside and watch T.V."
"What's on?"
"It doesn't matter."

Okay, maybe this one isn't all that funny.

Still, even though it's silly, it makes me smile. I always imagine Homer's voice saying this whenever I'm discouraged and feel like it would be easier just to stay in bed and give up. Sometimes it seems like I'm climbing a mountain that's so huge I can't even see the top. But I can see I'm making progress. With Homer's anti-encouragement, if I pace myself, I can keep going even if I'm not sure precisely where...

#2. For some reason I don't remember the context of this one:

"Alcohol: The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems."

I would say this is one of those funny-because-it's-so-true lines, but maybe it would be more P.C. to call it "dark humor." ;^)

Really this formula works for every type of escapism. If you're under a lot of stress, some temporary escapism (ex: religion, blogging, etc.) can help relieve it. However, too much escapism -- rather than facing up to your tasks -- can worsen the problems you're taking a break from...

#1. Ned Flanders as a child angers his beatnik father by spilling ink all over his poetry:

"Whoops-a-doodle!"

This is my all-time favorite Simpson's quote!!! I can't explain why -- I just know that when I heard that one from the toddler Ned Flanders, I couldn't stop laughing for weeks.

I've added this one to my everyday vocabulary. If something falls or gets spilled at our house, it's always "Whoops-a-doodle!"

Nico and Leo both say it even though they have no idea where it comes from. :D

My conspiracy theory!!!

I've finished reading The Da Vinci Code, and now I'm ready to spread some conspiracy theory rumors!!!

Overall it's an entertaining read. Okay, so the characters in the book are pretty flat -- more placeholders to advance the action than people you feel like you've gotten to know. Still, constructing this entire web of evidence for his alternate view of reality -- and then exposing it little by little in the course of a story -- is not an entirely trivial task. And the way the solution to the overarching riddle (exposed in the epilogue) fit with the rest of the mystery was kind of fun.

Also, I liked his use of details from real-life churches, monuments, and works of art. It's the sort of thing that makes you want to go have a closer look at these places and works.

Personally I've walked past the Louvre many times because it's huge and it's right in the middle of Paris. But I've only gone inside once, and that was on my very first trip to Paris. I have to admit that like a lot of Paris tourists, I didn't have anything in particular I wanted to see -- it's just one of those famous places you go because you can't go to Paris and not see it. One of the stations of the cross as it were of the tour of Paris.

Of course when I was visiting the Louvre I didn't bother to go see the Mona Lisa. Everyone always says not to waste time on it because there's a huge crowd and it's tiny and behind so much glass that you can appreciate it better by looking at a good photo of it. So I was patting myself on the back for being in-the-know enough not to follow every Joe Tourist to the line view the Mona Lisa. Yet I wasn't quite sufficiently in-the-know to have any idea of what I actually wanted to see.

The only thing I remember from my wandering aimlessly around the Louvre was happening upon the Winged Victory. That was just luck, and I suppose it was also luck that I even recognized it as famous. It's not like I knew it was in the Louvre or anything.

Still, I remember once taking a one-credit Art History class in college which was an interesting class even though it was taught via projector to a huge auditorium full of students. For a year or so after that class, when various cultured friends would take me to art museums, it was fascinating to see works by some of the artists discussed in the class and notice some of the details I'd learned about.

The Da Vinci Code -- being a lowbrow work that discusses interesting points about highbrow works -- has the potential to get ordinary people like me interested in getting out there to have a closer look at some serious works, and from there maybe learning more about them.

That's the optimistic view anyway.

The more likely scenario is that it will get ordinary people like me all psyched about conspiracy theories!!!

As a cultural Mormon, I couldn't help but find it amusing that Brown sets out to show that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, which is a popular Mormon folk-doctrine that was taught by some early LDS church leaders. It wasn't until I read the whole book in all of its secrets-of-the-Templars glory that I saw how very perfectly the Mormons fit into the world Dan Brown set up!!!

Ask a Mormon why there are so many similaraties between the Mormon temple ceremony and the Masonic rituals. The standard answer is usually that (just as the Masons claim) the Masonic ceremonies trace back to the rituals from Solomon's Temple (throught the Templars), and though their knowledge of the ceremony became corrupted over time, it is based on the true temple ceremony. And since Joseph Smith restored the temple ceremony, naturally there are similaraties.

By the way, I'm just reporting the standard explanation I've heard, I'm not suggesting I think any of it is true. The "Occam's Razor" explanation is of that Joseph Smith was a Mason and he thought the Masonic ceremonies were cool so he decided his new religion should have the same thing.

The fact that some early LDS leaders taught that Jesus was married and had children is almost certainly a coincidence. These guys were very intent on promoting the idea that marriage (especially polygamy) was necessary for exaltation, so naturally they claimed that Jesus was married.

But the connection is too perfect!!!

There are already people who speculate that it was the Masons that killed Joseph Smith for teaching Masonic secrets to his followers (the evidence being that he called out the Masonic distress signal -- apparently seeing Masons among the mob -- yet the mob killed him anyway).

So Dan Brown could have one of his fictional characters find some new fictional evidence that shows conclusively that one of the secrets Joseph Smith was killed for revealing to his followers was the "truth" about Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

I don't think it would be particularly beneficial to society or anything to promote such a rumor.

It's just that on some perverse level I think it would be cool... :D

More blog art by me!!!

Yes, the same brilliant artist that brought you Naked People at Rutgers and Naked People at Rutgers II has struck again!!!

I actually kind of like this classic white blog template I'm using, so I don't feel like scrapping it. Yet I can't help but notice how many of the cool blogs have some sort of custom design. So as a nod to keeping up with the Jones's blog, I decided to at least draw myself a custom masthead.

Everyone please feel free to comment here to tell me how much you love it!!! ;-)

p.s. It's not necessary to point out that my blog description: "The adventures of a friendly American exmormon atheist mom living in France!!!" is totally illegible. I noticed that already.

Someday when my lettering skills improve, I'll try again... :D

For my next trick, I think I'll try to design myself a little tiny icon for my blog tab instead of the blogger "B".