After seeing your pic, it is also evident why you talk about sex so much... and having sex so much. It kind of goes back to the old joke about why fat girls are so good at giving blow jobs - they have to be. Your ramblings on having sex on the first date are beginning to add up to the age old situation - women that screw alot do it becuase the claim they love sex.. in reality, it's the only way they can spend any time with a man.
-- troll comment, circa yesterday
In the bad old days, women had no sexual autonomy. They had neither the right to have sex with the partner of their choice nor the right to refuse sex when it was ordered by their male keepers.
Feminism and women's economic independence have changed all of that. Women today have the possibility to choose to be openly sexual and still expect to be respected as people. At the same time, they have the right to refuse any unwanted sexual contact and can expect not to be condemned for that either.
Real sexual autonomy cannot exist unless both of these choices exist in a meaningful way as real possibilities (as I've already discussed here).
In practice, however, I've found that most of the feminists I've met connect very strongly on an emotional level with one of these choices or the other. That's fine, and I think it's normal. The tragedy, however, is the following:
Women get so viciously attacked for their sexual choices -- whatever they may be -- that they can't help but sometimes respond defensively by justifying their own choices as the right choices. And unfortunately that can lead to projecting one's own right choices onto other people as the only possible right choices for women. This is sad because it is basically handing the enemies of women's autonomy the strategy of divide and conquer.
Openly sexual women have always been called whores and told that they're worthless trash for it. Today many feminists say that if a woman dresses sexy and seeks out sex for fun, then it can't possibly be that she likes her body and likes sex -- it's that she's "self-objectifying" -- brainwashed to think her only worth comes from attention from men and desperate to do anything at all to get it.
One of my purposes in keeping this blog is to be a living demonstration that that myth isn't always true. Frankly -- and sorry if this sounds like bragging -- I don't think anyone in their right mind could follow my blog for any length of time and conclude that I have no self-confidence and nothing going for me. Yet despite this mountain of evidence I'm sitting on, a troll has come here and leveled this same standard, insulting charge against me, namely that I talk about sex because I need male validation and I don't have what it takes to get a man's attention any other way.
It reminds me of a diagram posted recently on one of my favorite blogs. Now I ask, which reasoning strategy does it look like my troll friend is using? ;-)
Now I know that you're not supposed to "feed the trolls" by encouraging them with attention. But the thing is that my first troll here illustrates a point I'd been specifically planning to make: that feminists shouldn't think it's "feminist" of them to slam other women's sexual choices -- even when other women make choices that you wouldn't have made yourself. You see, the thing is that from the logs, the visitor who made the insulting comment at the top of this post came in through links from a (non-religious) feminist blog. From reading the two comments, I strongly suspect that this anonymous person is someone who (in real life) would identify as feminist. Sounds crazy I know, but this comment is very similar to tons of similar comments I've received from women who think it's "feminist" of them to explain to me that my sexual choices prove that I have no self-respect.
In the same way that the anti-sex feminists shouldn't be calling the pro-sex feminists trashy losers, the pro-sex feminists shouldn't be responding with the equal and opposite accusations that women who make comments such as the above are frigid, repressed, hate their own bodies, "just need to get laid," etc.
All of these ideas will be covered (in even more excruciatingly boring detail than this ;-) ) in the book I'm planning on writing: Feminist Sexuality: Choices for All.
(This part will be covered in chapter 2: Respect me! The Lady vs. the Tramp. By the way, since I'm very busy with my whole mortgage-and-family gig, my feminist sexuality book would go a lot quicker if some publisher were to express interest. *hint, hint* ;-) And don't anybody else steal my book idea before I get it done!!! ;-) )
I have a dream that one day the lady and the tramp -- the virgin and the whore -- can join hands and call each other sisters, and call each other feminists. It won't be easy, but if we work at it, we can get there!!!
Sisterhood is powerful!!!