Paris Exmo Expo 2007!!!

What a trip!!!

A huge thanks to Sister Mary Lisa for organizing this!!! I had a fantastic couple of days in Paris with the fabulous exmo ladies of Europe and Montana that you see pictured here: Aitch, Rip Zip, me, Sister Mary Lisa, and Wry Catcher!!! In this cartoon we're anxiously engaged in the time-honored exmo tradition of going out for a beer. Here you see us eagerly awaiting our beers at "The Kingdom of Beer" (La Royaume de la Bière).

The next day I got to meet another fabulous exmo blogger, Montchan. I'm hoping to arrange another trip to Paris with her for a little shopping and a visit to An Gel -- that looks like so much fun, and my hair could really use the attention... ;^)

During this visit unfortunately I only got to meet Montchan for a short breakfast and I wasn't really at my best. I like to claim I wasn't hung-over, but you can judge for yourself from the photo:


Chanson hides from the sun while breakfasting with the radiant Montchan.

ex-Mormon vs. post-Mormon vs. DAMU

What's in a name? ;)

Back when I wrote my handy guide to different types of Mormons I claimed that ex-Mormon and post-Mormon are just two words for the same thing. Since then, many people have told me that there's a real difference between the two, namely that an ex-Mormon is someone who is angry and/or recovering whereas a post-Mormon is someone who has moved on.

That makes a lot of sense as a distinction, and I suppose that's the idea of this one new forum I found the other day: postmormon.org. I guess if that's it, I'd qualify more as post-Mormon than ex-Mormon myself. My novel qualifies more as ex-Mormon since the focus is on being Mormon and experiences shortly after leaving the church. (Yay, I don't have to change the title!) Maybe the sequel should be called post-Mormon...

However, it's important to keep in mind that a lot of people's choice of labels depends more on which they encountered online first, so people who started out on RfM are more likely to adopt the label "exmo" whereas those who came in through the foyer are more likely to go with DAMU (DisAffected Mormon Underground).

It is becoming increasingly clear that Recovery from Mormonism (the main bulletin board of exmormon.org) has a bad reputation -- not only with believing Mormons but within the post-Mormon community -- as being full of angry rants, and I think that may be why a number of former Mormons take offense at being called exmos.

It's unfortunate if this is causing a division of the variety "I don't believe in the church anymore, but I'm not one of them." I'm not terribly interested in posting (or even reading) a bunch of angry rants myself, but I think most of us have gone through some anger over this, and can understand what people go through when it sinks in how very much they and their families have sacrificed for something that ultimately they've found to be false. So I hesitate to say "Hey, just buck up and stop complaining" or even "Whew! I'm glad I'm not like that!" since who knows if any given "angry apostate" will still be "like that" a year or two from now.

So I guess I'm saying that while I'm interested in building bridges of common interest with the faithful Mormons, I don't want to do it by trying to draw a line around the "good guys" that includes me and leaves people who aren't all that far from me out in the cold...

Cross-posted here.

Main Street Plaza!!!

Please stop by and check out the new post-Mormon community blog Main Street Plaza!!!

I'm really pleased that Hellmut and some others from the FLAK site have made the effort to organize this. I feel like the post-Mormon blogging community has grown and matured to the point of needing a central, general-interest group blog. (It seems like only last year it was a cute little bitty baby blog network... *sniff*)

Now I know there are already a bunch of sites that have related niches, but to me they all seem somewhat more specialized:

The Cultural Hall: How and why to continue to practice Mormonism and believe parts of it even if you don't buy the whole enchilada.
Equality Time: Hard-hitting criticism of church policies and doctrines with the idea of changing the institution for the better.
The Mormon Curtain: Criticism of the LDS church (its history, doctrine, and practices) with the object of exploring the many ways it is bad.
FAIR: Debate between believers and non-believers over doctrinal and historical issues.
Sunstone Blog: erudite discussion of Mormon beliefs and culture. (I had to look up "erudite" to make sure I was using it correctly, but there's something about Sunstone that made me think of that word...)
Carnival of the Veil: A bi-weekly carnival highlighting interesting recent articles in post-Mormon blogspace.
Mind on Fire: "A frontier land where critical believers can explore doubt and compassionate atheists can experiment with spirituality."
Letters from a Broad: All about me. Me, me, and more me.

And many others. Just check out my sidebar -- it's longer than the text part of my blog these days!!!

I think Main Street Plaza has the potential to cover all of these topics and more, but in a more general way. But to be a successful community blog it will need participation from the community!!!

So here's what you can do:

Bloggers, please add this to your blogroll, and dig through your archives for a good discussion post that didn't get enough attention when you first ran it, but might be re-run as a guest post on MSP. Everybody, think of submitting a guest post. Something as simple as a discussion question or a link to an LDS-interest article or cartoon is welcome as well as a complete article about your own experiences, insights, research, and art work. Or if you're interested in being a regular contributor/writer/permablogger (the organization is still in its early stages), please contact Main Street Plaza.

Here's the contact address: latterdaymainstreet@gmail.com

Hope to see you there!!! :D

Spotlight on blogging, religion, and community

Today I'm gathering up my posts on blogging and how it relates to building a community.

Meta-blog: a blog entry about bloggin'

Also, just because a link appears here doesn't mean I necessarily endorse the site. Basically, in support of our fledgling exmo blog network, I gathered up all of the blog URLs that people posted to Exmo-Social and RfM, and I have not gone through all of the content carefully. That's why I put the disclaimer "follow at your own risk" above them. Then I put "follow at your own risk" over the other exmo links because Exmo-Social is full of "adult content", and RfM is full of "anti-Mormon content". Then I put "follow at your own risk" above my list of LDS blogs just because I didn't want them to feel left out. But really I've checked those out, and they're pretty tame and entertaining. Oh, I have to warn you though -- they're full of "LDS content".

If there's no solution, there's no problem.

A problem isn't just something that bothers/annoys/upsets you. A problem is something that you try to solve. If it is something that is by nature impossible for you to solve, then you stop trying to solve it. Then it is no longer a problem, it is rather something that you find a way to accept and deal with.

So I broke down and just alphabetized...

I would do that too, except that then it would take me friggin' forever to construct my sidebar. So instead I take more of an attitude of "Hey, you're on the Internet buddy!! If you don't want people reading your blog, then what the hell is it doing on the Internet?" That said, if anyone I've linked to objects to having a link from here to their blog, please comment below, and I'll be happy to remove it.

Exmo-Social is dead -- Long live Exmo-Social!!!

However, if there are any repectable people reading this post, I must warn you not to follow my sidebar link to Exmo-Social, and especially not to follow the sticky link to the old board!!! Please!!! I don't want to be liable for anyone's eyes popping out of their heads and exploding.

A visit from a celebrity exmo!!!

The picture I've posted is unfortunately the only picture I have of me with Rudi (taken by the waiter at the restaurant where we went to lunch). I say unfortunately because even though Rudi looks adorable, I look like crap (which is what really counts -- this is my blog after all dangit!), which is why I made the photo super, extra small. In hopes that it would be very difficult for you to see it.

Religion and getting along...

Here on the exmo blogs, I figure I can post whatever the hell I please as a comment (you guys have maybe picked up on this), but over there, I'm a little like the wicked witch of the West (or East?) -- outside of my realm I have to be careful that nobody drops a house on me. ;-)

Bloggernaclin' blues

That's why normally I try to avoid giving advice on the Bloggernacle. I assume most Bloggernaclers are open minded enough to consider my suggestions fairly, but I'd just as soon not cause confusion by making people ask themselves when I'm speaking as a person and when I'm speaking as an agent of Satan.

Rudi's version

I bought this wine a few times so I could take a picture of the bottle for my blog (so you can all see that I'm not just making this up), but I thought it would be prettier to photograph it while the bottle was still full, and the timing never really worked out on that.

So here's a picture of me playing with play-doh with my kids instead.

People from Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania,

Yes, after joking around about Estonia here and here, I finally got some feedback from a real Estonian!!! And not just an Estonian, but an Estonian exmo!!!

Recovery, Self-Discovery, Community

It's true that the first part -- "ex" -- is a negative, but the second part -- "Mormon" -- isn't. Many people who have been Mormon refuse to identify as anything that has anything to do with the word Mormon. So to identify as "exmormon" (or "exmo") is as much a way of saying "Mormonism has been a part of my life" as it is a way of saying "I am not Mormon".

Blogs that get songs stuck in my head

I read that blog and ten minutes later I catch my stupid brain singing to me Simon and Garfunkel strains of "Hello Waffles, my old friend... I've come to talk with you again..."

My friend, the Internet...

Now if it ever happens one day that there's nothing left of me but a disembodied brain in a jar hooked up to the Internet, then I'm sure I'll become a regular on several forums in addition to blogging. (Guys, please don't try to pretend that you never plan what you'll do if you're ever reduced to nothing but a disembodied brain in a jar.) But for the moment, my system is to focus on blogging only.

***

Update: On a related note, I just noticed I've been added to Mojoey's atheist blogroll, so I'll be adding those guys to my sidebar as soon as I figure out how to do it... :D

A handy guide to different types of Mormons

I'm sure all of these are covered by Wikipedia ;-) but I'd like to post my own impressions of what the different terms mean. I don't claim to be the world's leading expert, so everyone feel free to correct me, clarify, and add to this list.

faithful Mormon, believing Mormon, true-believing Mormon (TBM): Someone who believes in Mormonism and practices it (especially the SLC-based LDS church). Typically has a "testimony".

active Mormon: Someone who attends LDS church regularly -- at least once a month -- and fulfills callings.

inactive Mormon: Someone who is listed as a member on the LDS church records but is MIA as far as the LDS church is concerned. Theoretically this applies mostly to people who might be "reactivated", however in practice it could be anything. Including dead.

jack Mormon, jackmo: Someone who believes in Mormonism but does not practice. This term is especially applied to believers who ignore important commandments such as the "Word of Wisdom" and the "law of chastity."

New Order Mormon (NOM): Someone who disbelieves key doctrines of Mormonism yet actively chooses to practice Mormonism.

Liberal Mormon: Somewhere between the "when the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done" crowd and the New Order Mormons. Includes many TBMs as well as many readers of the magazine Sunstone.

Bloggernaccler or Naccler: Soumeone who regularly frequents the LDS-themed blogs. On average, they tend to be liberal Mormons.

Utah Mormon: A Mormon from Utah. Amusing stereotypes abound, especially involving funeral potatoes, "creative" first names, and saying "Oh my heck!"

mission-field Mormon: A Mormon who grew up or lives in a place with hardly a Mormon in sight.

exmormon, exmo, ex-Mormon: Someone who used to believe in Mormonism but doesn't anymore. Usually excommunicated or "resigned" but not necessarily.

post-Mormon: Same as exmormon. This term is sometimes preferred by those who feel that the term "exmormon" has negative connotations.

anti-Mormon: Someone who deliberately opposes and fights against the LDS church.

fundamentalist Mormon or Mormon fundamentalist: A member of one of the sects that broke from the SLC-based LDS church over the doctrine of polygamy. (The LDS church discourages use of this term, but it is commonly understood in practice.)

apostate: Someone who has fallen away from the church. There is some confusion as to precisely who fits into this category. Whether it's exmormons, anti-Mormons, fundamentalist Mormons, members of the SLC-based LDS church, or people who have fallen away from some entirely different religion really depends on who you're talking to...

ethnic Mormon: A multi-generational Mormon, especially a descendant of Mormon pioneers and/or polygamists.

(Mormon) convert: Someone who converted to Mormonism from some other religion or world-view.

Community of Christ, Strangite, Bickertonite, etc.: I don't know all of the terms for the members of other restoration churches -- any help would be appreciated.

cultural Mormon: All of the above.

Recovery, Self-Discovery, Community

I won't grow up. So what if I'm going to be thirty-five in two weeks and have taken on adult responsibilities? (job, committed relationship, kids, mortgage...)

I don't ever want to stop reinventing myself. And reinventing myself requires knowing the raw me that I'm starting from; constantly reassessing who I am, what I've done, who I've been.

That's why I'm never been partial to the recovery model in which "recovering" means getting to the point of never thinking about or speaking about Mormonism again. I don't feel like I need to forget my past in order to move forward.

Changing your world-view always entails some difficulty, pain, and disorientation. If you're in a state where Mormonism is haunting you against your will -- in your home, in your family, in your mind -- then "recovery" is the best word for what you need. And a support network of fellow exmormons is a good place to turn for help. But for former Mormons to continue to contemplate Mormonism on their own terms is normal and healthy. To believe otherwise is to grant that those who leave the church must leave it alone and have no right to their own past.

I think that recovery is only one part of why exmos befriend each other online. To me it's one of three main facets of exmormonism on the Internet: recovery, self-discovery, and community.

JLO's fun new "Know your blogger" feature is a great illustration of how these three aspects of Internet exmormonism work together: by sharing feelings and experiences related to recovery, we build friendships and community. Check out his first three installments: Fiddley Gomme, The Sinister Porpoise, and A New Eric.

(And while you're at it, don't forget to check out the last few installments of "Carnival of the Veil": here and here.)

Making positive social connections with interesting people is a big part of what blogging and forums are about for me. So it always surprises me to see how many people see the word "exmormon" as a negative way to identify yourself (as JLO discovered here -- not to pick on that one blogger or anything, I hope she'll join our community).

It's true that the first part -- "ex" -- is a negative, but the second part -- "Mormon" -- isn't. Many people who have been Mormon refuse to identify as anything that has anything to do with the word Mormon. So to identify as "exmormon" (or "exmo") is as much a way of saying "Mormonism has been a part of my life" as it is a way of saying "I am not Mormon". It means admitting to be a type of cultural Mormon along with active Mormons, jack-Mormons, etc.

Another reason that "exmo" is seen as a negative term is because a lot of exmo bonding looks like bonding over griping. But I think it's typical for friends to bond over griping when they have shared gripes. It's a way to share sympathy and solutions.

If you follow my blog, it should be pretty obvious by now how self-serving this three-pillar model is. I never had much to recover from -- Mormonism has caused me very little grief compared to the exmo average. Yet Mormonism has been an important part of my life, my formative years, my family, and my family history. And I love navel-gazing (I mean, y'know, self-discovery ;-) ), and loooooove making friends and exchanging ideas on the Internet.

Particularly with people I have something in common with, such as fellow cultural Mormons.