Saturday, May 30, 2009

I told you to "get over it" and move on???

Wow, I really need to work on my writing skills, especially clarity!

I was perusing my blog log this morning and discovered that the folks of RfM had linked to my ex-Mormon vs. post-Mormon vs. DAMU post. Here's their conversation (note: this link will be dead in two weeks). That's fine -- people are heartily encouraged to link to my blog! -- but the disconcerting part is that they seem to believe that in that post I was telling them that they need to "get over it" and move on!

Here's what I meant to say with that post: "Many people believe that to 'recover' from Mormonism means to forget about it (especially stop being angry) and move on. However, I disagree with that position. Even though I don't read or post angry rants myself, I don't want to judge people for being angry. Ex-Mormon, post-Mormon, DAMU -- we're all part of the same community, and shouldn't let labels divide us."

Does that come through in the original post, or did my double-negatives do me in? ;^)

p.s. I thank RfM for linking to me on their blog list. I only get a couple hits a week from that link, but almost all of them stick around to read part or all of Exmormon.


B.G. Christensen said...

I think the message of your post was pretty clear. We should create a label for former Mormons who get your point, to divide us from former Mormons who don't. GetPoFoMos vs. NoGetPoFoMos. :)

C. L. Hanson said...


beatdad said...

You seem to be pretty willing to let the posters on exmo be angry. It certainly has its place. On the other hand it can't really hurt for someone who has "gotten over it" to say "get over it." That way, at least, those who are tired of being angry can see that it is possible to make peace.

Aerin said...

Glad people have stuck around to read your novel, it's great! And now on Amazon as well. :)

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey Beat Dad!!!

True, I think that in the case of someone I know well, if I can see that the person is obsessing about something to an unhealthy degree, I might advise them to try to think about something else. But I'm not going to say something like that to people I don't know since I don't know their whole story. And I don't feel like I have one blanket piece of advice that would be appropriate for everybody on RfM, given all of their different situations.

Hey Aerin!!!

Yeah, it's cool! In fact, the guy who started the thread over on RfM said that he liked the gratuitous love scene, so I hope that more people will come by and read it! That is by far the most popular chapter. ;^)

p.s. to all: It looks like the misunderstanding has been entirely cleared up, see this thread. Things move fast in forum-space! :D

Holly said...

my biggest complaint with RfM is that it wasn't around when I needed it, in the early 90s. By the time it came along in 1998, I had already moved to the "I'm too angry to talk about how angry I am" stage.

I don't think that angry rants constitute the bulk of what I produce these days, but I still indulge in them as needed. Even if I'm over being angry that the BoM is a badly written book I wasted countless hours reading more than a dozen times, there are manifestations of the culture that occasionally come along and punch me in the gut, hard, and then I get angry again--sometimes really angry--at the way attitudes and doctrines in the church harm people.

I post angry rants when I come up with them. I think angry rants on the role of Mormons in torture are entirely appropriate, for instance. But that's something you couldn't be angry about before 2002.

Currently on my blog is a "rant" that is only a little angry, about Mormon writers and their g****mn tendency to over explain. Of course, one of the things I'm angriest about is that I am one such over-explaining Mo writer. It's all part of a process of figuring out how Mormonism shaped you, and how hard it is sometimes to undo that.

Anyway, all of that has little to do with you and the post that created the "problem." I'm guessing you don't REALLY need a pat on the back about this, particularly since you've explained yourself on RfM and some people are at acknowledging where you're coming from, but I will say that I think you do a remarkable job of participating in all sorts of Mormon forums. You are clearly interested in Mormon experience, and allow other people to define that in all sorts of ways. I find that admirable.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you said to "get over it;" you just mentioned that RfM has a reputation for attracting angry rants. And it does have that reputation, whether or not RfMer feel that reputation is justified.

Here's my take. I don't think there's anything for RfM to get over. The emotion there is constantly refreshed because there is always a new wave of newly disenchanted Mormons --- who have just recently realized that the world-view they've held so dear doesn't accurately describe the real world.

It's not that people aren't getting over it; they do get over it. People do work through their emotions on sites like RfM and then they get over it, leave the site, and leave the broader Mormon/ExMormon community. They are then replaced by new people whose emotions are still raw.

Meanwhile, the long-term RfM members there are, by and large, doing their own sort of missionary service. Their goal is to convert LDS members into ExMormons, and they are generally quite effective at it.

In other words, even though the site remains constant, we're not really talking about a single group of people who are failing to work through their feelings of betrayal. We're talking about plenty of people who are working through their emotions and getting over them and a second, smaller group whose chosen mission is to help that process along.

C. L. Hanson said...

Thanks Holly!!!

Exactly, there are plenty of times when angry rants are appropriate and justified. Actually, some of my own posts here probably qualify as angry rants...

Hey John!!!

That is so true!! To outsiders it probably looks like the people there have been ranting for ten years, but really the bulk of it is newly disenchanted people cycling through.

C. L. Hanson said...

p.s. to all: For an excellent alternate view of what it means to be "post-Mormon", please see this post: Mormon Alumni Association.