Thursday, June 04, 2009

Scariest search query yet!

I often like to help people by answering the specific questions in the search queries that led them to my blog. Generally I give light-hearted, fun advice (see installments 1, 2, 2 1/2, and 3 1/2 of "Ask Chanson via Google"), but, just the other day, I got an incoming search query (landing here) from someone who could use some serious advice:

Q: if a woman accuses you of being a stalker how do you seek revenge

A: Dear querier, have you ever heard people say "living well is the best revenge"? Well, it's not just a cliché, it is absolutely true!

If you'd like to get revenge on this woman for accusing you of being a stalker, then just make her accusation look silly by proving her wrong. If you ask yourself "what would a stalker do?" you'll immediately see that you prove her wrong by not stalking her (eg. not seeking revenge). Instead, try leaving her the hell alone.

And I'm not just saying this for the sake/safety of the woman you're talking about. You personally will be happier if you drop it and move on to bigger and better things rather than obsessing over this failed relationship to the point where you do something stupid that you will regret for the rest of your life.

I know that it's hard to just forget about it and move on, but it's not impossible. I recommend starting with Finding Love 101. Good luck -- I'm sure you can do the right thing if you put your mind to it!


kuri said...

My blog's best query ever was "which nascar drivers are circumcised?" Unfortunately(?), I was unable to provide an answer.

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey Kuri!!!

LOL, that is fabulous!!! I mean, I've gotten some great search queries, but I don't think any can beat that one in terms of "How the hell would you even come up with that question? -- and yet it might be interesting to know..." ;^)

What did you post about that attracted that query?

Aerin said...

For some reason, my ukrainian grandmother post is high on hits/search queries. Yeah, that is a little odd as a search query.

kuri said...

I think it was because, in separate posts, I had a short comedy bit about auto racing, and a random joke I heard somewhere: "What happened to the circumciser who went blind? He got the sack."

After I got the query, I used the question as the title of a post about queries, and I actually got about 10 more hits related to NASCAR drivers and circumcision.

I also got more than one query for "Wookie scrotums," believe it or not. (In that case, I'm pretty sure it was from something about Star Wars, and a post about a children's book that was banned from a library for using the word "scrotum.")

Bookslinger said...

Someone in Pakistan came to my blog using the search words: "bom making book in urdu".

The Urdu translation of the Book of Mormon problably wasn't what he was looking for

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey Bookslinger!!!

lol, that's a funny mistake!

(...and a little scary...)