Sunday, June 21, 2009

Search query puzzlers!

I've been trying to restrain myself from doing too many search query posts ever since Felicia said it was a cliché. Admittedly, Andrew did one since then, helping to increase the coolness factor a little bit. But the trouble is that I've recently gotten a bunch of search queries that have stumped even me! So, I have no choice but to post them and see if any of you have any answers for these poor, unfortunate queriers:

Q: suicidal beached whales verses mass murderers
A: Sorry, what?? Are you asking which would win? Uh... both..?

Q: verb tenses had better make an effort
A: D'oh!! You found a verb construction I missed in my million English verb tenses and moods, illustrated dialog! And what the hell kind of construction is "had better" anyway?

Q: the name of an aspect of something used to refer to the whole thing, such as when alcohol is called the bottle
A: Man, I don't remember the word for that, either. I'm really on a roll here when it comes to High School English class. Now I know you guys are going to say "Wikipedia!" or "google it!" but what do I look it up under? If I type that description into google, it'll just land me back here, and you can see how much help that will be...

Q: do brilliant women have beautiful pussies and loving attitudes?
A: I dunno. Probably some do, but I haven't seen any studies on it or anything.

Q: lourdes - places to go besides church
A: lol, good luck! You can try playing the game of who can find the tackiest souvenir, but aside from that and church, there's not much else. Maybe consider a change of destination? Unless somebody here knows of something non-churchy in Lourdes...

Q: i love the fountain and i'm an atheist
A: See, this one I really don't get. What fountain? And what does it have to do with being an atheist?

Q: should a blogger post a personal picture of himself?
A: I say yes, but I know there's some disagreement on this one! :D

Q: what is better place to live in swiss or india
A: I've never lived in India, so I can't really judge. I could ask some of my colleagues who are from India. I mean, I could have if I hadn't quit my job the other day (in anticipation of temporarily moving back to the U.S.). Sorry!

Q: how can i know if the church is true mormon intellectual
A: Again, this one is a little tricky to parse, but I suppose the querier is looking for a proof that the LDS church is true, one that would convince a Mormon intellectual. Well, querier, you've come to the wrong place for that!

Q: why are mormons so into scrapbooking
A: Another philosophical question about Mormons! Mormons really like creative handicrafts, and scrapbooking is particularly fun for SAHMs because of the tie-in with family activities. That, and the fabulous possibilities for scrapbooking-supplies MLMs.

(Oops, I answered that last one myself. C'est la vie.)


Louise said...

I LOVE these posts! They always make me laugh. I'm hoping that one day enough people will find my blog through google for me to do one of my own. Though I might have to start talking about more than Fiona for that to happen ;-)

Craig said...

Where in the US are you temporarily moving to? Are you planning on going back to Switzerland?

Christopher Smith said...

The answer to #3 is synecdoche.

Anonymous said...

The Fountain. Pretty film, but chock full of cafeteria spiritualism.

And I love these posts too. :-) I imagine that the second question is asked by someone who is frustrated with verb tenses' lack of conviction.

John Moeller said...

Grr. That last one was me. I hate OpenID sometimes.

MoHoHawaii said...

I happen to love these, although your visitors don't beat the person who asked which Nascar drivers are circumcised. That one goes down in the record books as the world's most improbable question.

These queries are somehow innocent and perverse at the same time. They are truly wonderful.

Rebecca said...

I like a post like this that's short enough to hold my attention to the end (which this one totally is).

Every single one of those queries is gold.

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey Louise!!!

Cool, I love them too! I was worried I might be boring people with these, but so often when I get funny search queries, I just want to share them! It's one of the most entertaining aspects of blogging. I've just pulled out the real gems here, but even the ordinary ones are interesting.

Hey Craig!!!

We'll be spending July and August in Minnesota with my parents. (In August, I'll be going to the Sunstone Symposium.) Then for September, October, November, and December, we'll be in Princeton for a one-semester sabbatical. We're definitely going back to Switzerland. We're currently in the process of moving our stuff to our new apartment in Zurich where we'll be living after the move.

Thanks Chris!!!

I knew someone here would know the answer to that one.

Thanks John!!!

I'd never heard of that film. The things you learn from search queries!

Hey MoHoHawaii!!!

Yeah, that one has got to win some sort of record. ;^)

Hey Rebecca!!!

I think that in the fast-paced world of the Internet, the cardinal rule is "don't ramble." A handful of quick, silly search queries hits the spot. ;^)

B. Spinoza said...

Hey chanson,

were you in New York recently? I saw someone on the subway who reminded me of you, but probably wasn't :)

B. Spinoza said...

the Fountain was a pretty good movie, if you don't mind weird films

Varina said...

Dang, Chris beat me to it! And I was going to be all smug an intellectual-y.

"Had better" brings up an interesting point about dialect though, specifically that you missed a whole fleet of Southern US verb tenses such as our friend here "had better" and "used to could" (which is pronounced as one word. As in: I used to could dance Ballet, but I haven't taken lessons in years. However including every regional dialect of verb tenses (the Scottish ones would also take some space) could have given a few hundred verb tenses.
In any case, passé or not these posts are always entertaining.

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey B. Spinoza!!!

SAdly, no. But if I were in New York, the subway would be a likely place to find me. ;^)

C. L. Hanson said...

Hey Sabayon!!!

Do you really think "had better" is especially Southern? It sounds perfectly ordinary to my (Northern-midwestern) ears: "You had better do it; you'd better get it done." Whereas "used to could"??? I've never heard anything like it.

Karen said...

This Californian has never heard of "used to could" either, but I like it.